At the moment I am organising my 10 year school reunion. What a blast from the past! Getting in touch with people and going over old year books has brought the memories of school flooding back. School is something we all have to undertake, I didn’t see the point of whinging and moaning about something that I had to do regardless. And I actually enjoyed school. I guess that’s because sometimes I didn’t get the choice of whether or not I wanted to go. I HAD to go to hospital for weeks at a time. If you had to choose over school and hospital…. I urge you to choose school!!
Thinking about my reunion also has me thinking about the unique issues that living with Chronic Illness or Injury presents especially when you are also trying to navigate the teenage mine field of High School! High School can be a difficult journey for some regardless of health issues. Having Cystic Fibrosis meant that having an regular experience of school was never going to be an option. During Primary School my having CF didn’t really impact on my relationship with my peers. How do you explain something like CF to kids ranging in age from 6 to 12 years old? I had small moments where my having CF caused a problem or showed me that I was different to other kids my age but ultimately I got through Primary School without too much drama. High School was a different story. In my early years I was quietly known as the “sick girl”. I remember going into hospital in Year 8 and getting back to school and people telling me that a girl I thought was a friend was telling people I had died. I am not sure why she did it – popular opinion went with the fact that she loved attention and she got it when she pulled that trick. She left our high school not long after that. Because I had gone to school with most of the people in my since Year 2 people generally left me alone. It wasn’t brought up often. In Year 9 a new guy in school delighted in telling people that I had a forehead like that of a cancer patient, I was shocked and saddened that some people would think something like that was hilarious. I tried to laugh it off but his comment stayed with me for years, making me self conscious for a good while. By Year 10 I had worked out who were my friends and who was not. Around that time, I started getting attention from boys (it coincidentally started when my bra size went up a couple of cups!). I remember one of my friends telling me she felt sorry for me because I would never have a boyfriend because I had CF. I had gone on a couple of dates, had a few crushes and kisses before that and it had never occurred to me that I would have a problem with getting a boyfriend. And I guess I didn’t because a couple of months after that I started my first real, four year long, relationship. On the other hand, my friend never had a boyfriend while we were at school. Those sorts of things hurt me at the time but I didn’t let them define me, I moved on and lived happily through most of my teenage years.
In my final year at High School I became very ill, I missed the QCS test, I was in hospital for several weeks, needing surgery half way through the admission. By this stage my peers were not really bothered by my having CF, I wasn’t really any different to them in their eyes. However I found that even though I had been going to school with most of these kids for more than 10 years, I was still asked what exactly was CF. One of my final assignments was to do a oral presentation for my peers on a topic of my choice. I figured that is was now or never and I did a talk on Cystic Fibrosis. I explained the physical problems, my medical needs and showed them photos of hospital as well as friends that I had lost. The room was completely silent. I was the only student to actually have people ask questions at the end. The teacher had tears in her eyes and happily gave me an A!! I kicked myself that I had not done it sooner but I felt that by Year 12 my peers were ready to hear what I had to say and that they would not pity me or treat me like a freak. It taught me that it is better to be upfront and honest because once the truth is out there it almost becomes a non-issue.
I have spoken to parents of children with CF and they have asked me whether I enjoyed school and whether it would be better for their child to be home schooled. All I can say is that you have to look at every individual situation and do what is right for that child. I can understand that parents fear that sending their precious child to school could leave them open to bullying or harmful bugs but you can only protect a child so much before you are effecting a childs developement and self beliefs. If you think that they are are not strong enough for school how are they meant to believe that CF doesn’t make them different, that it doesn’t make them weak. It is about giving them a resilient and positive attitude as this will help them through more than just school.
I loved school. I loved the interaction and it made me into a person that did not use my health as an excuse not to participate in life. I was too busy to ever feel sorry for myself. I know that this is not everyones experience but it is mine. I did have hard times but I was lucky that I always had open lines of communication with my Mum and I would write my experiences into my journal which helped me process my feelings. I did the best I could with what I had and I think I came out of it pretty well. I still keep in contact with some schoolmates and they will be friends for life. I was taught to be open and honest about my situation and to not be ashamed of my disease. And that is a positive outcome for me.
All the best, Lily
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